


Intervention

by SassyEggs



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Adult Situations, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, but also some very un-adult situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyEggs/pseuds/SassyEggs
Summary: Sansa has a problem and no idea how to fix it.  Fortunately, her friends and family are there to help.





	Intervention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fanfic_Addicted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfic_Addicted/gifts).



> For Fanfic_Addicted's prompt:
> 
> Sansa is secretly hot for the Hound (obvs) and writes fantasy scenarios of them in her diary. From the fluffiest romantic fluffiness to the steamiest, dirtiest smut. One day Arya and Theon steal and read her diary and believe everything (I mean Sansa wouldn’t lie right?!). Theon confronts a confused (& aroused) Hound, whilst Arya ‘interventions’ Sansa. They both realise their mistake so pronto decide to do a runner leaving Sansa and Sandor to face each other and the consequences.
> 
> I didn't *quite* follow the prompt, and it definitely reads more slapstick than sexy, but thus is my lot in life :-)

Jeyne waved cheerfully from her table in the corner of the café they met at every Wednesday, but when Sansa finally reached her and sat down that open smile fell.

“You look like hell.”

“Umm… thanks?”

“Well I’m not trying to be mean, sweetie,” she said, reaching out to take Sansa’s hand. “What’s going on?”

For just a moment she actually thought about telling her, spilling it all out on the table and letting Jeyne pick through the mess and make sense of it. But she wasn’t ready to share it, not now, maybe not ever, and wound up shelving her concerns and couching her terms instead.

“I just… haven’t been able to sleep lately.”

“Something bothering you?”

“I’ve been having um… nightmares.”

“What about?”

Sansa balked. “I don’t remember.”

That was a lie. She remembered them very very well, unfortunately, and they were not exactly nightmares, but it was way too embarrassing to talk about. It was too embarrassing to even think about.

“Hmmm... maybe you should try a dream journal,” Jeyne suggested, sipping at her latte.

“A what?”

“We learned about it in psychology. You write down your dreams as soon as you wake up so that you don’t forget any details.”

“Why would I want to remember the details of a nightmare?”  

“If the nightmares are what’s bothering you then maybe by writing them all down you can figure out what they mean,” Jeyne told her, sounding very confident and logical and sane. “What do you have to lose?”

 _My mind,_ Sansa countered silently, though maybe that was a long time coming anyway. These nightmares had been plaguing her for ages, so long now that she couldn’t stop thinking about them even when she was awake. She needed to make them stop. They made the nights more interesting, true, but the days were so long and confusing that she looked and felt like hell, as Jeyne had so helpfully pointed out.

So when she got home later that afternoon she dug out an old spiral notebook, found her puffy purple pen from seventh grade, and prayed this would fix the problem.  

_Supposedly, writing this all down will help me finally understand why it’s happening. I guess it’s worth a shot, since it doesn’t seem it’s ever going to stop. If anything, it’s happening more and more frequently. So… here we go._

* * *

It wasn’t that Theon was a bad person; he just got bored easily. Not his fault, not really, and not anything he ever tried to hide. Anyone who knew him knew this was a part of his personality, so if Robb or Jon wasn’t home and the door was unlocked then it really shouldn’t be a surprise if he wandered inside and looked for something to do.  

He supposed he could have just played Xbox, but he could do that when Jon was home. And he could listen to music when Robb was home, could raid the pantry when Catelyn was home, could play basketball when Arya was home. So no, what he decided to do was something he couldn’t do when anyone else was there: he snooped.

Sansa’s room was his usual target when he was alone in the Stark abode since Sansa’s room was the one that was strictly off-limits. It felt like he could soak up an understanding of women just by standing in her tidy, feminine space, though he usually did more than just stand there. Much, much more.

Today was no different, of course, except that there was _something_ different, and Theon perched himself comfortably on the edge of Sansa's bed and flipped the pages of his new discovery.

_Last night he went down on me, not for the first time or anything but god I love when he does it, having his mouth right there, the way he uses his fingers and tongue and then sucks right when I need him to. I’ve never had a man make me come like that. Well, except for him, sort of. And he laughed at me when I came, but it was this sort of smug, self-satisfied laugh, which I kind of get because the way he groans in my ear while he’s moving inside me makes me feel a bit smug as well._

_I think his dick was bigger than usual, too. Not sure. Of course, it always seems like it gets bigger and harder while we’re having sex, I just keep getting fuller and fuller till I swear he’s poking my lungs or something, lol. Not that that’s a bad thing! Just a little unrealistic. But it feels incredible and I guess that’s all that matters._

“Oh, gross,” Arya said, pushing the book away and squeezing her eyes shut. “I need some bleach for my brain. And a shower. And therapy. Ugh, why on earth did you make me read that?!”

“You don’t think it’s a little strange?”

She squinted over at Theon, pondering his question. If she blocked out the fact that this was her sister and pretended it was just some random prissy girl then it actually _did_ seem a little strange. Never would she have thought that Sansa was getting laid on the regular, especially since Arya knew full well she wasn’t seeing anyone-- at least, not seeing anyone in the romantic, hearts-and-flowers, will-you-be-my-boyfriend way she _usually_ saw people. And then the way she phrased things in her diary, like maybe this guy kinda didn’t really count, like maybe he was just a sex buddy? Maybe? All Arya knew for certain was that her proper older sister was definitely getting her freak on with _somebody_.

“Who do you think the guy is?” she asked aloud, curiosity outweighing disgust. “She never says, just keeps referring to him as ‘he.’”

Theon crossed his arms and leveled a look at her that meant he already knew the answer and that it wasn’t a good one. After a moment he pointed at that devil book again.

“Keep reading.”

_I shaved him last night. I don’t know why. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to touch his scars and that was the one I came up with. I didn’t even really ask him, it was like he knew what I wanted without me saying anything. And he was like… completely naked and laying on his back, hands tucked under his head, just watching me with those molten silver eyes, so hot I almost couldn’t function, but I got some shaving cream and one of those old-fashioned straight razors though I don’t know why I couldn’t just use a regular Gillette razor. Then I lathered him up with this shaving brush thing, being really careful around his scars because I know how he is, but he let me anyway, trusted me with that razor around his Adams apple (huge, btw) and even more especially around his scars. It was so sweet and intimate and not at all how it usually goes, and I was SO turned on. And he was just lying there, naked and looking like a GOD and I just couldn’t stop myself, I had to suck him off, I had to, and even that was amazing. It’s not something I can say I’ve ever really craved doing, but once I had his dick in my mouth, listening to him moan my name, his hands in my hair… I never wanted it to end! And I looked up at him to where he was watching me with those eyes (God, those eyes!) and he said my name again, and when he came, I came, no friction needed, just the power of my attraction to this man and dear god, help me, I’m never going to get any sleep at this rate. _

“Are you okay?”

No, actually, Jon was most certainly not okay, and he held up one finger to tell Arya to ‘wait a goddamn minute’ while he finished chugging down the rest of the rum.

“How long has it been going on?” he asked after wiping his mouth and tossing the bottle.

“Dunno,” Theon said. “We just found out.”

“Good god. Sansa? And the Hound? It’s just… absurd!”

“It is,” Arya agreed. “What do we do?”

_I think my brain is broken, because the things I came up with last night are just the dumbest things yet._

_We were in his bed fooling around as usual, naked as usual, totally hot as usual ;-)_ _But then there was a tub of marshmallow fluff on the nightstand and I don’t know why I did it but I said ‘wanna try something a little sweeter?’ and I started rubbing the fluff all over my body and like, what the hell is that? That doesn’t even make sense! But he seemed to like it cause he started sucking it all off, licking me everywhere, kissing down my stomach to my thighs and god, there’s just something about seeing his head between my legs. And he knows that, he knows that I like those things he does with his tongue, the way he drags his teeth against me and teases me and wouldn’t let me have what I want, only made his way back up and bit and sucked my nipples and it was so intense I was sure I was losing my mind but didn’t even care. And he just kept sucking even after he got inside me though how it’s possible he could even bend like that I’ll never understand, and I swear I came immediately and constantly, just one long mind-blowing orgasm while he pounded away. And when he came I was flooded with this unbelievable heat between my legs and somehow I came again, another orgasm on top of the first orgasm which I don’t think is even possible though it sure felt possible last night. By the time it was all over I was too blissed out to move. Still felt that way this morning, tbh. _

_What is wrong with me?? How do I come up with this stuff? It’s just crazy and stupid and I’m kind of an idiot but at least I didn’t get any marshmallow fluff in my hair, I guess._

“Holy shit,” Robb said. “Is murder still illegal in this state?” 

“Last I checked,” Jon drawled in response.

“Well, we can’t just let this keep going on, can we?”

“No idea,” Arya answered, bristling with anger. “Can we?”

“I think we’re all in agreement that Sansa deserves better,” Theon said. “We just haven’t been able to come up with any kind of plan. Which is why we’re talking to you.”

Robb looked from one face to another, from Jon’s calm concern to Arya’s murderous gaze to Theon’s twitchy demeanor… and had no idea what to make of it all or how to proceed.

_Last night was the worst. Or the best. We went to the zoo (????) and it was still night time but all the animals were awake and playing and frolicking around like something you’d see on TV. And then all my clothes were gone somehow and he was rubbing against me from behind, and I couldn’t see him but I could feel that his clothes were gone too.   So there we were, in a public place(!), totally naked and shamelessly grinding against each other like the animals we were there to see and he was SO HARD. Then he put my hands on the railing and told me to keep them there but the way he said it, with that growly voice that was almost a threat, oh god, just thinking about it now I may need to take a quick break here, lol._

_And I’m back! Anyway… we’re at the zoo and my hands are on the railing and he’s moving inside me and I’m feeling incredibly close to him even though he’s behind me but his hands are just… god, his hands were magic, the way he rubbed between my legs in time with his own pace, or when he squeezed my breasts, or slid up my neck and turned my head so he could kiss me, it was too good, so so very good. So we’re fucking out there in the open where literally anyone could see us, and all I could think was ‘my mother has a membership to this zoo!’ and for some reason that just made me come so long and so hard there were literally fireworks going off overhead and the monkeys started screaming and I couldn’t even say if he came or not, all I know is that I was extra-exhausted this morning._

_This is getting out of hand. I feel so stupid and broken and wrong, and I have to stop it, but I don’t know how._

“Dear me!” Margaery exclaimed. “Poor Sansa.”

“Right?” Robb said, repeatedly tossing a ball against the wall much harder than necessary. “I’m ready to kill the Hound.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, of course you would totally miss the problem here.”

Robb caught the ball and turned to give Margaery a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s page after page of orgasms…”

“Blech!”

“…but with little hints that she isn’t entirely happy about it.”

“Yeah. Cause it’s the _Hound.”_

“No. Cause she’s _ashamed.”_

Robb cocked his head, brow wrinkled while he thought her words through. Margaery loved her boyfriend, she really did, but sometimes he was so adorably clueless she just wanted to punch him in the mouth. This was one of those times.

“She keeps saying something’s wrong with her,” she explained slowly. “That she’s broken for doing these things, even though she _likes_ these things.”

“Gross.”

“Oh grow up, Robb,” she snapped, rapidly losing patience with this infant of a man. “She needs to know that this is nothing to be ashamed of, that her happiness is what’s important.”

“What do you want me to do, Margaery?” he snapped right back. “Tell her I’m happy she’s fucking the Hound?”

“Yeah, actually. I think we _all_ should.”

* * *

“Hey man, thanks for coming over.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Sandor was a suspicious man by nature and that was the truth, almost always looking for the ulterior motive in just about everything. Still, when Robb had called him and asked for his help in moving a refrigerator it never occurred to him that something was up. But walking into the Stark family living room and being hit with the hard gaze of almost every one of them, even the dogs… yeah, something was up. There were just so many people there, all sitting in silence. Arya was sharpening a knife for some reason, Theon sat at the piano nervously jiggling his legs till Jon nudged him and told him to stop. Even Sansa’s friend Jeyne was there.

Robb, who only seconds before had greeted him with a smile, now had slipped into the persona of a crime lord, motioning silent instructions at his girlfriend who quickly complied while everyone else stared at Sandor. Or _glared_ at Sandor, as the case may be, and he was starting to think that this had nothing to do with a refrigerator. Moments later when Margaery returned she had Sansa in tow, who looked around anxiously, just as confused as he was.

“What’s... going on?” she asked, noticeably nervous.

“This is an intervention,” Robb said. “Because we love you and want to help. Both of you.”

“Okay?” she drawled, glancing up to Sandor but all he could do was give her one of his patented _fuck-if-I-know_ shrugs.

“We know what’s been going on, Sansa,” Robb stated calmly, a father patiently soothing one of his brood. “We read your diary.”

“My _diary?”_ Sansa laughed. “I don’t have a…”

What began as a breezy protest trailed off into horrified, wide-eyed, panicked silence as Sansa turned way too many dangerous levels of red.

“Oh my god.”

“Oh my god,” Jeyne echoed, looking just as panicked.

“You _read_ it?” Sansa demanded, a bit shrieky; Arya dismissed her with a wave of her hand.

“Oh, like it’s our fault you left it lying around for Theon to find.”

“Theon!”

“What? It was just _sitting_ there.”

“In a shoe box under my bed!”

“That’s not exactly a secure location, Sansa, you really should know better.”

“Look, we’re not here to judge you,” Robb continued, plowing on through this obviously-practiced speech. “It seems the secrecy has been bothering you so we wanted you to know that we are happy for you and support you fully.”

“There’s nothing to support!” Sansa hissed.

“It’s okay, Sansa, really. We know everything.”

“You don’t know _anything_ because _that’s not a diary.”_

“Then what is it?” Jon scoffed.

“It’s a dream journal,” Jeyne answered, head hanging in guilt. “Where you write down your dreams.”

For just a moment there was absolute silence as five people simultaneously connected the dots and figured out just what in hell was going on there, voicing their unanimous conclusion with a chorus of:

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..”

“That would explain the…”  
“… the monkeys… …”  
“… … and the marshmallow fluff… …”  
“…the shaving…”  
“… …yeah, that one was weird…"  
“… they were _all_ weird…”  
“… … oh god, the part about her lungs…”

“Can someone tell me what the fuck you’re talking about?” Sandor growled.

“NO!” every single person in the room answered.

“Well… I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I am super relieved,” Arya said.

“Yeah, me too.”

“I honestly don’t know how we missed it,” Jon laughed. “I mean, the very idea of any of that being real…”

“What does _that_ mean?” Sansa asked weakly.

“Oh come on, Sansa, we all know your type.”

“Right?” Theon agreed. “Sansa would never.”

“Sansa would never what?” Sandor asked, because everyone seemed to know something he didn’t and it was starting to piss him off, but instead of answering they all just glared at him as if he had done something wrong and was being judged for it. He glanced down to Sansa for some sort of hint as to what was going on but her head was bowed, arms crossed in front of her, looking almost… hurt. And now he really _did_ feel like he’d done something wrong.

“Do you still need me to move a refrigerator?” he demanded, ready to get out of this damn place.

“Nah, we’re good,” Robb answered, flopping onto the couch. “Never needed it in the first place, we’re just a bunch of idiots who thought something that couldn’t possibly be true.”

“Right,” he grumbled, and turned to leave.

“Sandor?”

He almost missed it, her tiny voice calling his name in a room full of chaos, every mouth in there running on and on about one thing or another. When he turned to look at her she still had that same pained expression on her face though it seemed he was the only one to notice it.

“Yeah?”

“You wanna… take me to the zoo?”

This evening was already weird as fuck; her request made it even weirder. But the absolute weirdest part of it all was how everyone fell silent, all heads snapped in Sansa’s direction and stared in open-mouthed disbelief.

“Right now?” he asked, unsure of what the right answer was.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Uh… okay.”

“See you guys later,” she told the others, a spark of something in her eyes. “Don’t wait up.”

It wasn’t that he never thought about taking her out some time- he actually thought about it more than could possibly be deemed healthy- just that he never dreamed it would happen like this, as a casual little night-time outing to the _zoo_ of all places. Never dreamed he’d be standing in her foyer while she changed her shoes and zipped into a hoodie, and never dreamed she would slip her hand into his when they walked outside, the most natural, comfortable thing in the world.

But later, lying side by side, bodies spent and sated and cooling down, he listened to her whispers about dreams coming true and silently, happily agreed with her.  


End file.
